


5 times hanahaki screwed Burger over +1 time he nipped it in the bud

by Eiso



Series: hanahaki au [2]
Category: Let's Play Cyberpunk Red - Polygon (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Illness, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:42:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26786125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eiso/pseuds/Eiso
Summary: “As it turns out, it takes a while to recover from growing a fucking tree in your lungs, so even after the whole dramatic deathbed confession it turned out that hey, he still had a fucking tree growing in his chest and crawling up his throat and it wasn’t magically going away just because he finally got his message across”a.k.a. What would the long term consequences of hanahaki actually be, anyways?
Relationships: Dapper Dasha/ Burger Chainz, Vang0 Bang0/Burger Chainz, Vang0 Bang0/Burger Chainz/Dapper Dasha
Series: hanahaki au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950241
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	5 times hanahaki screwed Burger over +1 time he nipped it in the bud

**Author's Note:**

> We have a long tw list this time, folks:  
> tw for body horror, discussion of death, breathing issues (choking, drowning, ect), ptsd (panic attacks, flashbacks, ect)
> 
> basically Burger thought he was going to die and did come super close to dying and also had a tree growing in his lungs and all that has got to mess a person up big time -- also, I love projecting my personal issues onto fictional characters  
> thanks to Pidge for once again providing the flower symbolism

1.

As it turns out, it takes a while to recover from growing a fucking tree in your lungs, so even after the whole dramatic deathbed -- death sidewalk? is it still a deathbed if you’re lying on cracked pavement getting street grime on your vest and in your hair? it probably doesn't matter, Burger could just call it a near death -- confession and finally explaining how he felt in a way that Vang0 understood and Vang0 loving him back and the dogwood roots unlatching from his lungs so that Burger could finally breathe, it turned out that hey, he still had a  _ fucking tree _ growing in his chest and crawling up his throat and it wasn’t magically going away just because he finally got his message across -- Hypo explained all this after Burger tried to sit up from the flower-strewn pavement and couldn’t catch his breath and Dasha had to carry him to the clinic because every time he took more than about three steps his vision got blurry and petals and twigs and blood filled his mouth and he couldn’t stop coughing -- so long story short Burger wasn’t dying anymore -- and wasn’t that a trip, he had almost gotten used to the idea that he wouldn’t be around to watch this year’s summer fade into autumn, and every morning he woke up covered in a cold sweat and choked on rotting petals and the metal tang of blood in his mouth had never tasted so sweet -- but he was in for a long few weeks as his body worked to expel the wilted leaves and splintered wood from his lungs. 

Dasha had insisted that he stay where she could keep an eye on him, and for the last week Vang0 hadn’t left his side for longer than it took them to shower, so they were all holed up in Dasha’s apartment where Vang0 could rest their hand on his chest as he slept and use their super secret contacts to supply him with real chicken soup and Dasha could hit his back to help dislodge the lingering blossoms when he woke up coughing and bully him into walking laps around the kitchen as his lungs slowly recovered and Vang0 could -- get really really quiet and leave the room when Burger started to feel a cold coming on and stifled a cough into his hand and saw his palm covered in flecks of blood for the first time in a while and wait a second that wasn’t right should he follow them he never knew with these sorts of things and Dasha was out on a supply run so she couldn’t tell him what to do Burger wasn’t good with these sorts of things what should he do he should call her but he could hear a little noise from the bathroom like Vang0 was… crying? 

Oh, like hell was Burger letting his partner cry alone so he got up and stifled another cough -- more blood, but he was familiar with the taste by now, he was more annoyed by the pressure he could feel building in his sinuses -- and poked his head around the door to see Vang0 sat curled up in the corner with their hands in their hair and their forehead pressed against their knees as they quietly tried to stifle gasping sobs -- and the sound made Burger feel like the dogwood was back, the same helpless pain but this time he could do something about it -- so he knelt down in front of them and gently took their hands in his -- oops, he probably should have wiped off the blood first, whatever, Vang0 had seen worse -- and pressed a kiss to their hair and moved to sit beside them as he asked what was wrong, are you okay, is there anything I can do or should I just be quiet for a while and Vang0 took a shuddering breath and stammered out that

“You would tell me if- if it had c-come back, right Burger? I- I know it was- my fault for being so  _ stupid _ before and I almost kil- killed you but please, tell me who it is I’ll- I’ll help you tell them, I’ll keep you safe, I won’t let it get so b-bad again Burger  _ please _ -” 

And finally Burger felt the pieces in his brain slowly click into place -- he didn’t usually mind being a few steps behind when his friends were so smart, he could just follow their lead most of the time but it was at times like this that he wished his mind moved just a little bit faster -- and he rushed to reassure Vang0 that no, this wasn’t hanahaki he swears it’s just a cold and of course he would tell them of course he doesn’t blame them and how dare they talk about his partner like that and he knew that they would have to have a more serious conversation later once Vang0 had calmed down because bottling up their guilt and fear like that could not be healthy but for now Burger held Vang0 as tight as he dared and stifled the next cough that rose in his throat and rocked them gently from side to side until their tears petered out, and he didn’t tell them he loved them because honestly that phrase still made him feel a little bit sick, made him shake with remembered panic, but he thought Vang0 probably knew what he meant anyways.

2.

Fall turned to winter turned to spring and Burger was more or less back to normal, sure, Hypo had said something about his “lung capacity being reduced by about ten percent” and “permanent scarring to your lung tissue” but what really mattered was that he was once again able to smash stools over people’s heads and gently threaten people into answering Dasha’s questions and hoist Vang0 into the rafters so that they could get at the hardwiring for that one network that had “just incredibly good incryptions, I swear Burger I’d almost think I did the security for this one” so all was right with the world in his books, everything was going great, not even hayfever season could dampen his enjoyment of a job well done -- even if it did give him the sniffles a bit and maybe he coughed a few times and oh, Dasha didn’t look so triumphantly proud anymore and oh, she was getting up and leaving the room and oh, Burger knew what to do this time so he kissed Vang0’s cheek and patted their thigh and assured them he’d be back in a sec, you can pick out the movie this time, and followed after Dasha to make sure she was alright.

Dasha was pulling drinks out of the fridge with what Burger personally thought was somewhat unnecessary force -- what did those beers ever do to you, sure they were kinda cheap but still there’s no need to slam them on the counter like that, they’ll get all fizzy when we open them -- and when she sees him she closes her eyes and brings a hand to her head and tells him to “go back to the living room Burgs, I’ll be back in a sec” and usually Burger would trust her and nod and go rejoin Vang0 on the couch but Dasha wouldn’t quite look at him and she had a crease in her brow that she usually only got when one of their group got hurt on a job and she flinched when he stifled a little cough so he reached out and she stepped away and set the last can down oh so deliberately on the counter and braced herself against it and took a deep breath and said “I’m fine, I just… need a minute, okay?” and of course that’s okay but what’s the matter is there anything he can do to help and she laughed but there wasn’t really any humor in it and told him “no, not really, I just need to get over myself” and didn’t move away when he took a step closer and rested a hand on her shoulder and reassured her that he’s always there for her if she needs anything, do you want any help carrying the drinks back to the couch, and she took a deep breath and said “thanks Burgs, that would be great” 

So Burger slung an arm over her shoulder and grabbed a can with his free hand and made sure to stumble a bit on the way back to the couch so Dasha would catch him and laugh and drag him into a headlock, and he flopped them onto the couch so he was laying with his head in her lap and his feet in Vang0’s and they complained about him hogging the couch but grinned as Dasha passed them the third beer and turned on the movie which please no Vang0 we’ve watched this one three times already but they insisted it was a classic and Dasha said that couch hogs don’t get to complain about movie choice and maybe her smile was a little brittle but over the next hour the stress left her face and her hand moved to gently pet Burger’s hair and he didn’t tell her he loved her because the words still stuck in his throat and he couldn’t quite shape his mouth into the phrase but he turned his face towards her stomach as he let the sound of badly edited fight scenes lull him to sleep and he made sure to keep his breathing as even as possible because he would do anything to keep Dasha’s face from freezing like it had when the first rasping cough had left him and he hoped she would understand what he still couldn’t say.

3.

That whole “reduced lung capacity” thing became much more of a problem when summer rolled around and the job of the week led to him being dumped off a ferry in the middle of the harbor, Burger found -- the metal augments that made it so easy to knock out the first three goons before the fourth got him over the head with a tire iron and dazed him enough to tip him over the railing also made it real fucking difficult to keep him head above water, especially with the way his head was swimming -- hah, swimming, like he wasn’t, oh that might be the oxygen deprivation kicking in -- and with the way the blood running down his forehead got in his mouth whenever he managed to gasp a breath, the salt and the blood reminding him of --

That one hot summer day at the beach when he thought he was watching Vang0 laugh in the surf for the last time, and the burning in his lungs made him taste dogwood bitter and poisonous on his tongue -- a wave swept over him and he managed to find the surface but he got a lungful of water and -- he was suffocating -- he was dying he was -- back on that sidewalk with his throat full of blossoms and -- he managed to get another mouthful of air -- Dasha was holding him and gritting out threats in a broken voice -- a wave crashed over him and he lost all sense of up and down -- he could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he choked around what he knew were his last few words -- his next breath was mostly seawater and he needed to calm down he had to get to the surface he -- he was reaching out to Vang0, one last chance -- he heard his name from a distance -- he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t -- he was reaching out -- he was -- he --

A hand closed around his wrist and an arm wrapped around his shoulders and he lashed out in a panic but there was a warm body at his back and a voice in his ear telling him to “calm down, it’s just me, let me get us to shore” and Dasha was dragging him through the waves as he spluttered and gasped for air and her feet were hitting his legs as she kicked against the water and by the time they got to shore Vang0 was waiting for them and -- didn’t drag them out of the water because they might be a tech genius but lugging two waterlogged bodies out of the ocean was not their area of expertise -- they had a spare jacket that they handed to Dasha and she wrapped it around Burger’s shoulders as he knelt in the sand and coughed the water from his lungs and let the salt wash away the taste of dogwood blossoms and blood and maybe he couldn’t stop coughing but this time it was just the salt burning his throat and the water in his lungs felt so beautifully different from the stabbing pain of roots worming their way through his body and --

Vang0 tilted his head back and wiped the seawater from his eyes and told him to “never scare me like that again, I saw you go overboard and couldn’t reach you in time and if you had drowned I would have killed you, you asshole” and Dasha punched him gently in the shoulder and said “next time, don’t get hit, dumbass” and Burger opened his mouth to tell them that he loves them too, thanks for the save, but his brain skipped over the first half of the sentence and the second half was garbled through the last of the water leaving his lungs so he let Dasha pull him to his feet and all three of them staggered back to the van to let Hypo know that this particular job was a bust, and Burger made a mental note to maybe sell his boat because he didn’t really see himself going back out on the water anytime soon.

4.

This whole scene felt uncomfortably familiar to Burger, from the spare mattress on Dasha’s floor and the carefully measured antibiotics from Hypo to the worried looks on his friends faces and the pressure in his lungs, but the difference this time was that Hypo had managed to dig up an old x-ray machine to make sure it was actually pneumonia and after a few days Burger already felt better -- not that this stopped Vang0 from obsessively checking on him in the night to make sure he was still breathing, not that this stopped Dasha from wasting all her hot water on steam treatments to dislodge the fluid from his lungs, not that this stopped Burger from waking up thinking he was back in those first few awful weeks after everything when he thought it might have been easier to just let the dogwood kill him, or back before those first petals when he kept getting more and more sick and more and more scared, not that this stopped all three of them taking turns quietly breaking down and trying to comfort the others because they knew it was going to be okay, the antibiotics were working, but -- it wasn’t easy to just get over almost dying because you were to stupid to get your point across, it wasn’t easy to just get over your best friend almost dying because you were too stupid to notice him spewing flowers everywhere, it wasn’t easy to just get over your best friend almost dying because you were too  _ stupid _ to listen to him when he told you over and over that he loved you -- so Burger let Dasha hit his back while he coughed until his ribs hurt, let Vang0 press a “stethescope, Burger, have you been mispronouncing it your whole life you fucking himbo” against his chest for hours at a time, and lay awake at night forcing his tired lungs to wheeze through each breath, feeling the fluid in his chest crackle and bubble for long lingering seconds after each exhale.

It was during one of those long nights -- where he couldn’t get to sleep because each breath was a conscious effort, where he was propped up against the couch watching an old movie from the ‘20s on mute and Vang0’s hand was resting on his chest from where they were lying asleep on the couch and Dasha was snoring lightly, her agent threatening to fall off to the floor from its perch atop Vang0’s legs across her lap -- that Burger looked at his partner and his best friend and he loved them so much, he needed them to know how much they meant to him and he knew that they did know, that they understood why he couldn’t force those words past his lips, that every time he tried he could smell dogwood sickly sweet and floral and suffocating, that  _ love _ had become intrinsically tied to desperation and hopeless confessions and fear and pain but he did love them, he did and as he reached out to catch Dasha’s agent -- Vang0 had shifted in their sleep and finally tipped over the precariously balanced device -- Burger steeled his resolve because he was going to get past this, he loved this little family they had made together and he wasn’t letting the ghost of a tree take this away from him, so he forced himself to mouth the words, to turn his head and whisper them against Vang0’s hand, to murmur them again and again and he didn’t manage that night to say them without feeling a scream building in his throat but he said them under his breath when Vang0 fell asleep on his shoulder after a stream and again when Dasha left the room to heat up some black-market soup -- one of these days Burger would get Vang0 to tell him where they got it -- and again when Hypo swung by with more medicine and again and again and by the time he got through a whole day without coughing he almost felt comfortable saying it and so 

The next time he watched Dasha insult Vang0’s mustache and then turn around and punch their mark for agreeing -- they already had the information they needed and the guy had it coming, really, he was some high society guy with too much money and too little respect for his workers -- Burger didn’t hold back the warmth welling in his chest and he told them that he loved them so much and Vang0 froze for a second before laughing that they “love you too, Burger” and Dasha shook her head and called him “such a softie, now help me tie up this asshole,” and a couple days later he managed to respond to Vang0’s goodnight that he loved them too, and when Dasha helped him change the tire on the van despite not being “that kind of fixer, Burgs, you do know what my job actually is, don’t you,” he thanked her and told her he loved her and the grin she directed at him was only a little bit surprised and by the time fall rolled around again it almost felt natural to tell his friends that he loved them, and they had stopped being surprised to hear it from him, and Burger thought that yeah, actually, he was going to be okay.

5.

Ever since their last job, Dasha had been acting a little -- strange isn’t quite the right word but perhaps more -- quiet, staring at Burger with a look he couldn’t identify, that reminded him of the looks she directed at particularly suspicious marks but he didn’t know why she would be staring at him with guarded, questioning eyes so he tried to put it out of his mind, which was a little tricky when she all but glared at him every time he pulled out the inhaler Hypo had given him after that last bout of pneumonia, when her hands balled up into fists every time he coughed, when she started flinching when he told her he loved her, and it all came to a head one day when Vang0 wrapped up a particularly successful stream and made some stupid joke about getting “69 viewers, nice” and Burger laughed so hard he choked and Dasha stood up abruptly and glared down at him and asked him in a tight voice if there was “anything you want to tell us, Burger?” and he was mostly confused because if this was about the new ghost he was considering for the van and then of course Vang0 bolted upright and was saying something about “no you can’t change that Keanu is perfect” and Dasha looked like she wanted to hit something and turned and stomped into the kitchen and hey he can keep just Keanu if she really feels that strongly about it he just thought it might be nice to get another voice for the sat-nav and Dasha stalked back into the room with something in her hand and said that “it’s not about the  _ fucking _ sat-nav, I found this in your footwell, how could you keep this from us again” and she threw a crumpled iris in his lap and Burger was even more confused now because wait does she think that he has hanahaki again and Vang0’s hands had gone to their hair and they were saying that “no, no you promised to tell me if it came back, Burger” and they were both looking so distraught and he was so confused and -- 

Wait, wait a sec, he thinks he knows what happened, it’s fine don’t worry he’s okay it’s just that he was at the florists for that job a few days ago, you remember, the one with the really suspicious National Treasure poser gang? He had to pretend to be a retail worker while Vang0 was in the back room hacking the computer and you were tailing N1c0, Dasha -- and a little tension drops from her shoulders and Vang0’s eyes light up in recognition but -- did she really think he wouldn’t tell her if the flowers came back? He might be dumb but he’s not  _ stupid _ , you know, he wouldn’t keep something like that from them -- 

And Dasha took a deep breath and Vang0 ran their hands through their hair and Dasha muttered that she “didn’t really think you would keep it a secret but you did before and when I saw the flower I just… sorry, I should have asked you about it before I got angry” and yeah she probably should have but it’s okay, he gets it, does she want a hug and she took another breath and shook herself just a bit and sat down next to him on the couch and maybe it hurt his feelings a little bit that she didn’t trust Burger to tell her if something was wrong but he forgave her, how could he not, and she leaned stiffly into his side and he wrapped his free arm around her and the fact that she lasted almost three whole seconds before pulling away meant more than the apology, really, so he let her change the subject back to the sixnite and Vang0’s streaming plans and politely didn’t mention the fact that he woke up that night to Dasha sitting next to him just watching him breathe.

+1 

Burger was used to it, nowadays -- the way he couldn’t ever quite catch his breath and the rasp in his throat that constantly threatened to turn into a cough -- so he didn’t really notice anything was different until he was watching Dasha try and fail to make breakfast while Vang0 egged her on -- hah, because they were making scrambled eggs, oh he might be mostly asleep still actually -- and somehow she managed to light the whole thing on fire and smoke filled the kitchen and Vang0 frantically tried to turn off the smoke alarm while Dasha turned on the sink and whoops, guess that was an oil fire because the water made the whole thing worse so Burger grabbed the fire extinguisher he kept on hand whenever the other two decided that he shouldn’t be the one to cook for a change and doused the whole room in white powder and Vang0 managed to finally shut off the alarm and Burger laughed a little too hard and inhaled just enough smoke to set off a coughing fit, waved off Vang0’s concerned look so they could help Dasha with the charred remains of breakfast, stifled his coughs into his hand -- and oh wow he hadn’t had a fit this long in a while, he should probably get his inhaler and he should definitely calm down because he was starting to panic, he could almost feel petals forcing their way up his throat and oh shit that  _ was _ a petal that had just landed in his hand, soft and red as blood and  _ oh shit _ this was bad -- and Burger looked up wildly and his eyes caught on Dasha’s manic grin as she brandished a spatula at Vang0 and he knew, he knew, he knew he had to tell her right the fuck now so he cleared his throat -- another petal joined the first -- and called her name softly and she looked over at him -- and they were so happy, should he really ruin this moment, come on Burger spit it out -- 

And he stammered out that he loves her, and she laughed that “I love you too, Burgs, come cook us something edible” and he corrected her that no, you don’t understand, he’s In Love with her, actually, and showed her the gladiolus blossoms and her eyes widened and he felt what he finally realized had been roots forming in his chest release and she took his hand and said more seriously that “I love you too, Burger,” and Vang0 had paled considerably when they saw the petals but managed a shaky “aww, you two are so cute,” and wrapped their arms around Burger’s chest and pressed a trembling kiss to his shoulder as Dasha brought her mouth to his and he didn’t get around to making breakfast for a bit -- or a while -- but honestly he thought none of them minded all that much.


End file.
